One of the earliest things I remember finding odd after giving birth, in the hospital and the first few days at home: there was a strange woman who stared back at me from the mirror. I recognised some similarities, like she could be a cousin or something. But I didn’t recognise her. I don’t recognise myself.  I felt detached from my body. Like, I knew it was me, but it didn’t feel like it was. I didn’t know what was going on with me. Scary stuff!

Two weeks after the birth, this polaroid was taken of me at a friend’s 40th birthday BBQ attempting to keep up with my normal life. I don’t recognise myself when I look at it – and not just because of the cardboard glasses! I look at that sallow, pale face, at those big boobs, at the skinny wrists. The dress I recognise (excellent purchase,  more about that later), but who is this woman?! It’s such a weird feeling of separation between my body and soul  – and months in I’m only just getting to reconciling the two.

Trying to make sense of this weird sensation, I found that many women experience a profound psychological dissociation from their own bodies after giving birth. And I should have talked to someone about it sooner!

The physical and emotional transformations during pregnancy and labour can be overwhelming and lead to a perceived disconnect to the body. It’s not uncommon for new mothers to look in the mirror and struggle to recognize the person they see.

This dissociation can be attributed to various factors, including hormonal changes, exhaustion, physical changes after childbirth, and the demands of caring for a newborn. The pressure to ‘bounce back’ to a pre-pregnancy body can exacerbate these feelings even weeks after the birth.

Coping with this disconnect was a vital part of my postpartum recovery. It’s essential to remind ourselves what a remarkable journey our bodies have undergone, and understand they may never be quite the same again. They created and carried a new life into this world, which is an amazing feat that is allowed to leave its mark on the wonder that is the female body! Reconnecting with one’s body involves self-compassion, self-care, and time. The process of self-recognition and acceptance is a significant step towards postpartum well-being and mental health.

(About the dress: stretchy material maternity/nursing dress, super comfy pregnant and now, kinda summery but can be worn with dark leggings/cardigan, too, depending on weather, and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion. One of the best items of clothing I’ve bought in the last year. Recommend all mums-to-be looking for something similarly versatile!)