The Baby Sleep Odyssey

SLEEP – Everyone’s obsessed with it once you have a baby!

Friends and family often ask about it. Parents often wish they got more of it. Kids often have a hard time with it.

I never realized there was so much conversational mileage in the topic of sleep! But so much time and energy is dedicated to talking about it – and also to posting about it, writing advice columns, filling bookshops with collections of tips, and selling apparently guaranteed methods of helping babies (and therefore parents) to sleep. And so much of all that gives contradictory ideas – An absolute minefield!

Our little one had a hard time falling asleep in the evenings, and suffered witching hours for the first several months of her little life. (She was generally fine during the day – I’m told this is fairly common; another thing I didn’t know!). We had seemingly endless nights when she just couldn’t find her way into the realm of restful sleep.

The Cry It Out Conundrum

When we were deep in the throes of sleep deprivation and desperation, the “Cry It Out” method was suggested to us repeatedly by well-meaning commentators around us. The idea seems straightforward: leave your baby to cry until they eventually tire themselves out and fall asleep. Honestly, when you’re sleep deprived and your ears are ringing from all the screaming, I can understand that it sounds like a quick fix; a one-size-fits-all solution.

But the thought of letting our little one scream alone in her cot just didn’t sit right with us. It felt like a heartbreaking choice, especially when we knew that what she needed was a reassuring touch, a soothing lullaby, or simply to feel that we were there for her and able to help her experience those strong emotions. In fa ct, the approach might have been used for years, but nowadays there is evidence that the “Cry It Out” method can be psychologically unhealthy for children as it often leads to increased stress and anxiety, or teaches them that they need to deal with strong emotions alone. So, that wasn’t the path we wanted to follow.

Discovering Our Own Path

Instead of adhering to the one-size-fits-all approach popular among previous generations, then, we embarked on a journey of self-education, and of trial and error. We read and listened to a lot of up-to-date resources from different cultures, and basically discovered what we had already assumed: that what works can vary greatly from one baby to another. There’s no universal formula for getting a baby to sleep well.

From our experience and the information we gathered, we’ve drawn a few general conclusions that might help other parents:

Babies often don’t like to fall asleep alone; physical contact with a parent helps (Even if it’s just holding a finger!)
The person helping them needs to be calm and composed; deep breathing and other meditation techniques can be useful.
Babies often need a balance between being relaxed but not bored; monotonous stimulation is relevant here.
Evening routines and repetition can be helpful in getting babies used to calming down and falling asleep.

In the end, we’ve found that the right way for our little family is whatever allows us to be most patient and understanding with her, where we can respond to her cries by giving comfort and reassurance, rather than silence. (Though I’m seriously done with walking up and down singing the same lullabies – it’s like getting bubba to sleep gave me nightmares about Rock-a-bye Baby and Twinkle Little Star!)

Over To You

Our journey to better sleep is ongoing and far from smooth, but we have learned a lot along the way. Parenthood is the steepest learning curve I’ve ever experienced! But we’re in it together, so maybe a little group work can help us all!

What about you? I’d love to hear your stories and tips for helping your baby sleep peacefully. 💬👶💤