As a pregnancy progresses and the size of a mum-to-be’s tummy increases, so does the number of questions flying around in her head!

If you’re trying to conceive or you’re pregnant – congratulations! – I’m writing this to tell you that more crucial than the endless quest for the “perfect” pram, the safest car seat, the trendiest changing bag, or the most comfortable nursing pillow is rather the need to ask bigger-picture questions in preparation for parenthood. It’s not about the colour of the infant’s room or the additional gifts to add to your registry. Many expectant mothers often get caught up in such consumer-focused considerations, especially during the nesting phase  of late pregnancy. 

Honestly, though, my perspective has evolved over the past several months of being a new mum. Now, it’s clear to me that there are more pressing questions that should take precedence, particularly if you’re preparing for the arrival of your first child.

While selecting a pram and car seat is a necessary task for most parents-to-be, a more profound preparation involves thinking about the less concrete aspects of this transformative experience. I’ve come to realise that it’s so much more important to get ready for parenting by spending time planning for emotional and relationship aspects as well as practical considerations and self-care. Exploring these bigger-picture perspectives, I aim in this post to provide a more well-rounded guide for expectant parents preparing to embark on this extraordinary chapter of life.

Parenting Plans

First and foremost, think about how you are going to care for and bring up your child(ren). Ask yourself: What aspects of caring for a newborn can I inform myself about in advance? Are there workshops, info sessions or courses I can attend, advisors I can contact, or blog articles or books I can read to find out more – especially to find out about things I don’t even know I don’t know about! Am I aware of alternatives, just in case my plans don’t work out, for example for breastfeeding or co-sleeping? 

Also consider how parenting together will work best: How will I and my partner or other caregivers handle parenting disagreements? How will we discuss and resolve differences in parenting styles, and maintain a unified approach? Effective communication between you will be essential, but having openly discussed your values and long-term ideals in advance will help keep your parenting on the same kind of page. 

Social Support 

Next, consider the strength and size of your “village” and support network. Ask yourself: Who is on hand to help me with challenges along the parenthood journey? Who do I want to be involved most in our family life, how will that work in practice ? How can I construct a reliable network of support and potential caregivers  – especially for whenever I return to work? Building a support system is key to navigating the challenges of parenthood.

Reflect on your friendships and how openly and honestly you can communicate with friends about your pregnancy and parenting experience. Ask: Can I seek advice, ask for useful tips, and share my challenges without fear of being judged or talked down to? Shall I look to make friends with other parents at the same life-stage as me? A supportive network of friends can be invaluable during this upheaval of your life as you know it, so think in advance about how you can nurture empathetic friendships. 

You could also take some time to reflect on the people in your immediate environment who will have regular contact with your child. Suitable questions here: Do the people around us serve as positive role models, showcasing harmonious family life, fulfilling careers, and passionate hobbies? How can I surround my child with positive influences that may impact their development, and particularly help them in ways or topics that I’m not so good at?

Relationship

Consider your expectations and hopes for your partner, yourself, and your budding family. (I’m assuming here that you and your partner will be living together and raising the child together. If your set-up is different, maybe some of the questions will still be relevant; others may need adapting!). How do we intend to divide tasks and responsibilities? Firstly, maybe, how do we define a “fair” balance of chores and childcare in our setting, and what are our shared values for family life? Identify the areas where compromise is possible and make a plan for those where it isn’t.

Recognize the impact of parenthood on your romantic relationship. What strategies do we have to maintain a strong connection, especially in the newborn phase? How do we feel about scheduling regular date nights, becoming intimate again after childbirth, maintaining our identity as a couple beyond parenthood? What will we need to do to make this work? It’s important to communicate openly about your needs, and be understanding as well as proactive in addressing challenges together.

Mental Health

Ensure that you and your partner are well-informed about health and mental health in the postpartum period. Spend time thinking about: How do I understand my role as a mum? How psychologically prepared am I for the change in my identity, and other issues that can occur during pregnancy or after childbirth? Where can I seek support if things don’t feel right – what symptoms of mental ill-health do my partner and I need to watch out for? 

Parenthood comes with its share of uncertainties that can zap your energy. Discuss: How will we navigate unexpected challenges, whether they’re related to my own or our child’s health, developmental milestones, or other unforeseen circumstances? What self-care strategies will we be able to employ to maintain our wellbeing? How will I make sure I get some sleep?! 

More Important Perspectives

These are not questions you can purchase answers to on Amazon, and I realise the list is long. There IS a lot to think about, and most of it doesn’t have a price tag or an option to buy-with -one-click! However, I strongly believe that these questions and considerations hold more significance than many queries commonly found in pregnancy groups and forums. It’s a shift in focus from the material to the foundational. In the end, that will be what matters, and what you and your child remember most. So, I hope I’ve been able to inspire you to take the time to contemplate these “harder” questions and lay the groundwork for a more informed and prepared parenthood journey.

OVER TO YOU: What questions and considerations do you think it’s important to ponder while preparing for parenthood – have I forgotten any here? Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below! 

Post inspired by @mamameeting on Instagram (original post in German).