[This post is my contribution to Sina Kunz’s blog parade. Feel free to join in and write about how becoming a parent has changed you, and in which areas of your life you’ve noticed a transformation.]

Everyone loves to tell you how much your life will change after having a baby. One friend actually upset me when I was trying to mentally prepare, saying that it’s impossible to truly grasp the depth of these changes until you’ve been through it yourself. I felt frustrated that no one would talk to me openly about what had concretely changed. So, this blog parade topic really resonated with me, making me reflect on what exactly has changed in my life now that I’ve had a baby. Or rather, what do I do differently now as a mum? (As Sina put it in German: Das mache ich heute anders, weil ich Mama bin)

Beyond the obvious changes, there are countless little things I do differently now, and these adjustments have become part of my new normal. When I read Sina’s own post on this topic, it felt like she was writing about my own life. I saw so many parallels between her experiences and mine. You might notice some similarities in our blog posts, too.

So, here’s a reflection on a few things that are different for me now that I have a young child. I hope it resonates with other parents out there and maybe even offers a glimpse of what to expect for those about to embark on the adventure of parenthood.

1. I manage on a lot less sleep than I used to. 

Adjusting to long-term sleep deprivation has been one of the most challenging aspects of new parenthood, impacting my daily routine and mental health – but somehow I’ve managed it!

This is a classic one – everyone “knows” that your nights are shorter with a baby. What surprised me was how I got used to it and even manage to do a full-time job despite lack of sleep!

Where I once needed 8-9 hours to feel halfway decent, nowadays I survive on chunks of 2-4 hours at a time. I can function on less sleep than a university student during finals week! Somehow, I still manage to show up, work a full day, handle the household, and get things done that I would have thought were impossible without a full night’s rest.

Now don’t get me wrong—just because I’m functioning doesn’t mean I’ve magically adjusted to sleep deprivation. I’m cranky and often feel like I’m running on autopilot. The lack of sleep has taken a serious toll on my mental health, too: It really is one of new parents’ worst enemies. You can read my other posts on this topic here and here.

As I say, I was worried about how I’d cope with so little sleep, but like so many things in motherhood, you just get on with it. Willpower and basically a lack of alternative options get me through the day. It’s a tough adjustment, and some days are harder than others. In the end, you do what you have to do to keep going, even when you’re running on empty.

2. I spend a lot more time and do a lot more productive things on my phone. 

I’ve had to adapt to using my mobile phone for many more tasks, a shift in productivity that many new parents experience.

This might sound a bit unexpected, given that I’ve just spent a year at home on maternity leave with the baby and now have a little toddler. But please don’t think that I’m just sitting around staring at my phone, scrolling mindlessly and ignoring my child! What I mean is that I’ve had to swap to doing more things on the small screen of my mobile phone because I just don’t have the time or opportunity to sit down at the computer or even get out the tablet. My mobile is the smallest screen that I can stop my toddler from keyboard mashing.

So, nowadays, I do things on my phone that I never really wanted to do before, such as writing important emails and paying bills. If I had a euro for every email I’ve sent one-handed while holding a baby, I’d probably be able to afford a full-time nanny!  And sometimes when I’m breastfeeding, I even read e-books on my phone, although I’m actually a real fan of a proper paper book. Still, it’s either the option of doing these things on my phone or not doing them.  Being a mum has made me think about how I can manage to squeeze the most productivity out of every last minute, and so my mobile has turned into a lifeline for staying productive, cognitively challenged, and connected.

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3. I throw away a lot more food now. 

The increase in food waste due to toddlers’ eating habits is a common issue many parents face, challenging our traditional values.

This sounds pretty awful, and I’m not particularly happy about it. It’s not that I’m chucking out perfectly good food we just didn’t fancy eating. Actually, both my husband and I are big leftover eaters—we either take them to work in a lunch box the next day or freeze them for a busy week later on. But since our little bean has been eating solid foods, I’ve been throwing away more food than ever.  

Of course, her portions are fairly small, so it’s never a huge amount that goes in the food waste bin. Still, the things she doesn’t eat after playing with, has already chewed on, or that have been on the floor are generally not things I reuse or reoffer to her, so out they go.It’s a bit like being on a food waste rollercoaster where every meal is a gamble: will it be eaten or will it be an ‘Oops, dropped on the floor’ special?

It goes against my innermost convictions, as I was brought up to believe you should always empty your plate. I remember feeling a pang of guilt the first time I had to throw away a full plate she had barely touched, thinking about the effort that went into preparing it and how others who don’t have enough to eat would be grateful (my own mother’s voice pops up with that one!). I’m learning to convince myself that it’s healthier for her to stop eating when she’s full rather than eat just to save me from throwing food away. But it’s a tough adjustment, and I’m still figuring out how to balance my values with the realities of parenting.

4. I analyse my own upbringing more intently. 

Reflecting on my upbringing has been crucial in shaping my parenting style and understanding how past experiences influence my personality and appraoch to life.

Since becoming a mum and grappling with defining my own role as the kind of parent I want to be, I’ve found myself reflecting on my upbringing and the practices that were common during my childhood. This introspection has highlighted how these early experiences shaped me and my character, and particularly the psychological issues and challenges they’ve caused. It wasn’t until I had a baby myself and observed my own mother interacting with my child that I realised not everything from our childhoods is as rosy or normal as we thought while we were living it as kids

I’m now actively unpicking the patterns my younger self learned and the beliefs I was conditioned to accept, while figuring out which healthy and positive behaviours I want to pass on to my daughter. For me, this kind of self-healing takes various forms, from meditation to working with coaching groups and therapists.  Having this mirror held up to my life by my daughter is tough, but it’s crucial if we want to be the best parents we can be. Going through the work of self-examination is essential for breaking the cycle and avoiding the patterns from my past. While I’m still on this journey, I’m already seeing significant progress and feel optimistic about the changes unfolding in my life.

OVER TO YOU: Have you noticed any surprising changes in your life since becoming a parent? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below to share your own experiences.

If you’re feeling inspired to reflect on your new life with children in more detail, join the blog parade created by Sina Kunz and contribute your story to a growing conversation about the reality of parenthood.