If someone can’t fix it in under one minute, be kind and don’t mention it.

Agree?

I saw this “tip” online, and it got me thinking. Is this always a good lesson to teach our kids? As parents, it’s important to consider what life lessons we impart to our children.

First of all, I get what it’s trying to convey. There are quick “feedback” comments that can be helpful and supportive. These are things that can be fixed easily and quickly. Your shirt is buttoned up wrong. Your lipstick is smudged. Smells like you ate garlic at lunch!

Even here, though, we need to be discreet and careful with tone. Maybe offering a tissue or a mint chewing gum as a solution to the problem you want to help the person with. All fine, and kind to help someone from embarrassing themselves or having an accident. In our daily parenting considerations, these small acts of kindness are essential lessons for our toddlers and older children alike.

And then there are things that cannot be quickly, and sometimes not very easily, rectified. Not under a minute. And here, too, I agree – Yes, it’s unkind to mention something and leave the person worrying about it with no way to fix it. Your clothes smell musty. You’ve got an unshaved patch of hair on your leg.

But particularly if it happens regularly, the person might really not know, and would be thankful for the tip. So isn’t it kind to say something then? Part of our parenting responsibility is guiding our kids through these tricky social situations, helping them navigate when to speak up and when to stay silent.

And then there are issues that need effort and time to change, but might still be worth pointing out in case it’s a blindspot of that person. Sometimes we need an external mirror to help us see ourselves. You show symptoms of [mental health affliction / obesity / unhappiness in your relationship]. You often interrupt when other people are speaking. Your behaviour comes across as egotistical.

Is it unkind to mention these things to a friend, if you do so constructively and helpfully?

Here I’m not so sure, and I think it depends on the relationship and whether certain topics are ever brought up. I probably wouldn’t mention anything like this to my boss, for example. But friends and family: don’t they deserve honesty that might take them more than a minute to deal with?

So in some instances, maybe the “fix it in under a minute” rule is a bit too simplified. In these case, there are other ways to teach our little ones this life lesson in a more rounded manner:

• Teach Empathy: Encourage children to think about how their comments might affect others.
• Model Behavior: Show your children how to offer feedback kindly and discreetly.
• Use Positive Language: Teach children to frame their feedback positively.
• Practice Discretion: Explain the importance of choosing the right time and place for feedback.
• Encourage Asking for Help: Let children know it’s okay to ask if someone wants feedback or help.

Still, the original tip is catchy and concise. I can see why it’s a valuable and quick rule of thumb to teach kids who haven’t mastered empathy, discretion, etc., yet.

Still, our babies and toddlers observe and learn from our actions than our words. Mum life is filled with these tiny, teachable moments that contribute to how our little ones understand the world.

So, should we still be teaching our little ones the rule of thumb above or not? Tricky… What do you think? Please let me know in the comments box below!