As a mum, I could spend a fortune on self-care: fancy skincare, yoga retreats, meditation apps, gadgets for the house… or other any excuse to escape the chaos for a moment!

It seems the wellness industry is convinced that busy mums’ problem is finding the right product. As if we just can’t figure out whether we’d prefer a facial or a Pilates class. But let’s get real: we know exactly what we want! The real issue is we don’t have time to do any of it!

What we don’t need is another suggestion for how to spend our “time off” – we need actual free time! Not five stolen minutes before someone shouts “Mummy!” but real, uninterrupted time where we’re not on call for everyone else’s needs. Because, when it comes to it, burnout doesn’t care how good your skincare routine is!

And this is where our partners, friends, families, neighbours, and so-called “village” need to step in. Not with empty “You should really take time for yourself” platitudes, but by actually making concrete time and space for us to do it. Not just “If you want me to pop over and help with [child/task] for a while, let me know.” No. Because self-care isn’t another task to coordinate and squeeze onto our overflowing to-do list. It’s something we can only do if others step up too.

Science Says Boundaries Matter More Than Meditation

Even research backs this up! The Global Wellbeing Report 2024 found that setting boundaries does more for our mental health than meditation. That’s right: saying “no” is more beneficial than deep breathing and mindful colouring combined.

Don’t get me wrong, meditation and techniques like PMR are great! They can boost wellbeing by 10% according to the report. But setting clear boundaries is even better, leading to a 13% improvement in perceived wellbeing.

Boundaries vs. Delegation: Why Both Matter

There’s a difference between setting boundaries and delegating tasks, and busy mums often get stuck somewhere in between, ending up micromanaging everything instead of fully letting go.

• Setting a boundary might be saying: “No, I’m not going to do all the laundry for the whole household.”
• Delegating means passing on the responsibility: “Can you put the washing on?”
• Micromanaging is where we fall into the trap: hovering five minutes later to check if it’s been done correctly, or stepping in to refold everything because it’s not our way.

And this is where we undo all our efforts. We want help, we ask for help, and then… we don’t actually let people help. We step in, we monitor, we redo, we stress about the way it’s done.

But here’s the hard truth I’ve learnt: if we set a boundary and delegate a task, we have to actually trust that it will get done. Even if it’s not our way. Even if the towels aren’t folded perfectly. Even if the socks don’t make it into matching pairs.

The job is done. Done is done. And as long as your fancy lace knickers aren’t boil-washed into a crispy ball*, then guess what? The laundry is fine. (*Yes, this happened to me once!)

The real self-care shift isn’t just about finding time—it’s about retraining ourselves to step back without guilt and let other people actually share the load.

Why This Hits Even Harder for Working Mums

As you know, I went back to work when my Little bean was 11 months old. And I can tell you, this talk of “self-care” all lands particularly hard when you’re a working mum of a toddler. It’s not just about finding time, but about valuing it enough to protect it.

And if you’re an older mum like me, there somehow seem to be more things to think about, and the guilt can cut even deeper. We’re expected to ‘know better’ or ‘cope better’ by now, as if we somehow have extra reserves of patience just because we’ve lived a few more years. But I trhink we can all agree that, whether you’re 25 or 45, parenting is exhausting, and looking after your own mental and physical health isn’t a luxury; it’s essential for survival.

Yet, setting boundaries, saying no, asking for help, carving out space for yourself, can feel so uncomfortable, can’t it? We’ve been conditioned to put everyone else first, and I know I’ve learnt to take pride in managing it all. But the truthis: we can’t pour from an empty cup, and we shouldn’t have to try.

How to Get the Self-Care You Actually Need

So, if you’re sick of self-care being treated like another to-do list item, here’s how to actually make space for it:

1️⃣ Set boundaries—guilt-free. No justification needed. If you don’t want to? No. If you don’t have time? No. If it’s not an emergency right now? No. Full stop.

2️⃣ Delegate properly. You’re not a superhero. Ask for help, hand things over, and then leave them alone. No checking, no redoing, no hovering. Done is done.

3️⃣ Make it clear that your needs matter. To yourself and to everyone else. But you don’t have to explain them. You don’t owe anyone an itinerary of your downtime – just take it.

Why I Need This Reminder Too

And if I’m honest, I need this reminder just as much as anyone. Because despite knowing all of this, I am terrible at setting boundaries.

When life gets hectic, the first thing to go is always my own needs – my interests, my hobbies, anything just for me.

I somehow take pride in carrying such a huge chunk of the mental load, and then I get frustrated with myself when I feel too exhausted, too drained, or just too not-in-the-mood for things like quality time with my husband. No wonder, right?

I’m trying to do better – I set my goals for 2025 to do it! I’m working on being able to just say no without justification. To delegate or hand over tasks at home and at work, and then leave them there. Not checking in every five seconds. Not micromanaging the way things get done.

I think this is a tick a lot of mums have. We set boundaries, but then we don’t actually trust the people we’ve asked to help us. We need to step back and have faith. Their way will get the job done, too. Remember: Done is done.

And that, fellow busy mums, is how we can get the self-care time we really need. Now, go do something for yourself instead! 💛