---

This weekend, some of my mum friends (who work part time) were venting about how stressful it is to juggle work, family, and just being a person. Then they turned to me and said, “I don’t know how you do it! How do you manage everything and work full time?”

You know what I said?
I don’t.

There’s always something that gets dropped. For me, it’s often my own interests and hobbies. Last year, I didn’t manage to finish a single book—even though I usually love to read. My health and fitness are another casualty, especially after turning 40 and going through pregnancy and childbirth. Most urgently, the romantic and intimate side of my relationship with my husband sometimes gets pushed aside too. Even when we do get a quiet moment, we’re usually too tired or too wrapped up in everything else to actually enjoy it. And honestly? I don’t handle it very well. I often feel unhappy with myself and frustrated with my life.

The Myth of “Doing It All”

For a long time, I really believed there was some magical secret. I thought I was missing out on a life-changing hack that other working parents had figured out. Or maybe it was because I went back to work full time – maybe that was the problem?

But the truth is, no matter how many hours we work or how strictly we organise our lives, the pressure to do more and be better is always there. Hello, perfectionism!

That conversation with my friends just reminded me again: the grass may look greener, but more often than not, it’s astroturf with a filter slapped on top.😆

There’s no trick. No one-size-fits-all solution. We’re each trying to make it work, however we can, with whatever we’ve got. And honestly? That’s okay.

What looks easy for someone else is usually down to different priorities, more support, or a pace of life that doesn’t match your own. It’s not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It just means life looks different from that side of the fence.

Shifting the Focus: Acceptance and (Self-)Appreciation

This is something I talk about a lot when I coach bilingual parents, especially mums. The pressure to do it all, be it all, and look good doing it is absolutely relentless. And I don’t know about you, but when I fall short (which, spoiler, is often), the voice in my head doesn’t exactly go easy on me.

So, in case no one has said it to you this week: you are allowed to not be perfect. Actually, you’re supposed to not be perfect.

Here’s what I’ve learned, mostly the hard way. Being confident in your choices and accepting your actual, real-life circumstances is far more useful than any bullet journal template or colour-coded meal plan.

Let’s break that down, because I know it sounds very “Pinterest quote.” But honestly, this kind of shift in thinking can take the edge off. It won’t fix everything, but it might make the day feel a bit lighter.

Acceptance and appreciation look like this:

• Cutting yourself some slack. Real slack. Not “I’ll rest after I reorganise the kitchen drawers” slack.
• Backing yourself. Your family, your rules. Nobody else gets to set your standards.
• Ditching the idea that everyone else is in some Secret Mums’ Club where they’ve cracked the code to balance and inner peace.
• Trusting that this phase won’t last forever. Yes, even the four-hour bedtime routine phase.
• Reminding yourself that what you’re doing is enough. Even if the washing machine smells weird and no one can find their shoes.
• Letting go of doing All The Things and focusing on what actually matters to you right now.

And just to be clear, this isn’t about giving up. It’s about showing up for your life as it is, not as some fantasy version where you finally “get it all under control.”

Honestly? The most impressive thing anyone can manage is this kind of mental pivot. It’s not easy, and it’s not instant. I definitely haven’t mastered it yet! Some days I manage it. Other days, I cry into a slice of toast and fantasise about running away to a hut in the woods! But I come back to this: Good enough is good enough.

The more I practise that, the more I can enjoy the bits of life that actually matter without constantly feeling like I’m behind.

The Importance of Family Time

One thing that really helps is carving out slow, intentional family time. Our weekends are precious now. We try to keep at least one day plan-free so we can just hang out in pyjamas, watch TV, build Lego castles, or run wild in the garden. Sometimes we go for a walk or video call the grandparents—Little Bean’s favourite part is yelling, “Nannyyyyyyy!!!” into the screen.

These small routines help us reset without the pressure to “make the most of” the weekend by cramming it full.

During the week, our goal is consistency. Little Bean has a clear routine, even if the adult roles shift based on our work days. She knows what’s coming—play, books, bath, bed. These rhythms ground her and give us those little pockets of connection that keep everything ticking.

Of course, weekday family time is short. Nursery and work schedules don’t leave much wiggle room. But even those ordinary moments—doing the same jigsaw for the fifth time—can become the heart of our week when we’re present.

Managing It All (Without Doing It All)

Here are a few low-key strategies that help me feel a bit less swamped. They won’t solve everything, but they ease the load:

• Plan and share the load. If there’s more than one adult in the home, everyone should be part of planning and decision-making. Divide tasks clearly and trust each other to handle them.
• Recognise all types of work. Paid or unpaid, it all matters. Cooking, cleaning, organising, parenting – it’s all essential labour.
• Use shared tools. A family calendar or a shared app can save you a lot of stress. Add stuff in real time so you don’t forget. (Also: no shame in setting alerts for bin day.)
• Voice notes over texting. Perfect for those in-between moments when you want to connect but don’t have time to type.
• Timers are your friend. Yes, you can learn how that delayed-start feature works. It’s not witchcraft.
• Protect your rest. Rest isn’t a reward. Book a do-nothing day if you need one.
• Lower the bar. Some things will not get done. That’s life. Decide what matters most and drop the rest.
• Ask for help. If you’ve got support (friends, neighbours, services) use it. You’re not failing by outsourcing.

A Reminder for Anyone Who Needs It

If you ever feel like everyone else is smashing it while you’re duct-taping life together, you’re not alone. Most people don’t talk about what’s hard.

So here’s a reminder, for me and for you:

💖 Give yourself a break.
💖 You’re doing what you can, and that’s enough.
💖 Life isn’t about nailing everything. It’s about finding joy where you can.

What About You?

What’s one mindset shift or small change that helped you release the pressure? How do you remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect?

Please share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s build each other up and maybe have a laugh along the way.