#Jahresrückblog2024
(Re)finding myself to find my way as a mum!
That seems to have been my motto for 2024, though I didn’t realise it at the time!
Looking back (as part of the Jahresrückblog challenge by Judith Peters!) I’m really proud of the steps I’ve taken to rediscover the Me beneath all the mum duties and the resilience I’ve built along the way. It’s been a real juggling act trying to balance my own interests and needs with the endless commitments of motherhood, but I’m finally learning to accept and combine both sides of myself—with a bit more confidence each day, despite the massive changes to my lifestyle!
I joined a modern dance class
In January, I signed up for my first modern dance class in over half my life! Stuck at home on maternity leave and feeling like I’d lost touch with “Clare the individual”, I felt this sudden urge to do something just for me. I found a dance studio like the ones I used to go to as a teenager in London, gave it a go, and… realised I was about 20 years older than everyone else there! But honestly? I didn’t care. It was so much fun. It gave me this boost I didn’t even know I needed and reminded me of who I am beyond the nappies and snack prep.
Modern dance has loads of floor work, and let me tell you, my post-pregnancy tummy muscles were not ready. The backwards roll? The “helicopter”? Well, those were… interesting. But my trainer was super encouraging, and there is another “older” dancer in the group who really inspires me to stick with it. I set myself a goal: to manage the backwards roll as part of the choreography we were learning for a show. And in September, I danced (and backrolled!) live on stage in front of a paying audience! 👏👏
I still can’t quite believe I did it—not just physically, but mentally too. Getting back into dance has been like finding my “unicorn space.” When I dance, I’m not a mum. I’m just me, absorbed by the energy, rhythm, and focus. It’s the most freeing, energising kind of relaxation I could ask for.
I found the courage to get the right counselling
Counselling was a tough one for me. My first experience with a therapist for PPD was a disaster. After two sessions, I felt worse than ever. It took all my courage to tell her I wouldn’t be coming back—especially since she told me I was a bad mum for not handling my daughter’s emotions well! (Seriously, who says that?) That awful experience taught me something important: it’s okay to walk away from something that isn’t helping.
But everywhere else I called, I was just told there were massively long waiting lists. Thankfully, my doctor prescribed breastfeeding-friendly antidepressants. And then the real turning point came later, when I finally found a psychologist who just felt right.
That’s when I realised: finding the right help is a journey. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing, and sometimes it takes a mix of things—therapy, medication, or even just time. Most importantly, I’ve learned that taking care of myself isn’t selfish. It’s something I need to do for both me and my family.
I enjoyed a romantic, baby-free birthday getaway
In March, my husband planned a surprise wellness retreat for my birthday—and he even arranged for Little Bean to stay with a close friend overnight. The hotel was incredible—a castle overlooking the River Rhine with a four-star restaurant. We had a bottle of sparkling wine waiting in our room, a spa session, and time to just be together. The only thing that wasn’t very romantic? Pumping milk so my boobs didn’t explode! 😆
It was my first night away from Little Bean, and yes, it felt weird. I couldn’t help worrying if I was a bad mum for leaving our 10-month-old for 24 hours (cue dramatic gasps), but guess what? She had a fantastic time— and was probably more pampered than us!
That night away was just what we needed. It reminded me of the laughter and love that connects us. It’s so easy to let parenthood take over every corner of your life, but that evening, we rediscovered us. Taking time to be a couple, to cherish each other as partners, reminded me how important it is to nurture that bond, so being parents doesn’t become the only thing holding us together.
Reflection
What am I proud of in 2024?
- Resilience and refinding myself: I’ve shown surprising resilience this year and taken steps toward rediscovering who I am beyond motherhood. Balancing my needs and my family commitments has been a significant mummy milestone.
- Harmonising with family: I’ve done a lot of work on my own childhood issues this year. It’s been challenging but rewarding, and I’m proud to say I’ve found a better balance in my family relationships. There’s more understanding, and the holidays this year didn’t require hiding in the loo for a breather—progress!
- Balancing full-time work and parenthood: Juggling a full-time job, nursery schedules, and life admin has been no small feat. But here we are, thriving (ish) and, most impressively, never forgetting to pick up Little Bean from nursery. Gold star for us! ⭐
- Posting an Advent calendar on my blog: Twenty-four days of consecutive blog posts for the Christmas countdown! It’s been a huge effort, but seeing it come together was so rewarding, and inspired me to keep up the blogging!
- Writing my eBook: What Mummy Didn’t Know – The Newborn Phase is finally taking shape, and I’m proud of how it’s coming together. (Available to subscribers only – so sign up now!)
The best decision I made in 2024
Choosing to take time for my own interests, as well as finding ways to get more rest are the two decisions that have made a huge difference to my overall sense of wellbeing! I’ve got my husband involved to share the nighttime duties so I can get more sleep—though I’m not always great at sticking to it when I hear Little Bean crying!
Also, saying yes to the right kind of help and simply admitting I can’t do it all really lifted a weight off of my shoulders! On top of that, my conscious brain has decided to let go of that superhero complex, which sounds freeing, but is very hard in practice!
What I learned about myself in 2024
- I’m a better mum when there’s more of me in the mix—whether that’s time for writing, friendships, or hobbies.
- I’m more resilient than I thought and I can manage on very little sleep (though not very well). Honestly, I already knew this, but 2024 reminded me just how much you can accomplish on four hours of sleep a night… even if it’s not recommendable in the slightest.
- Balance isn’t about having it all figured out—it’s about managing the chaos as best you can and forgiving yourself for the rest.
- It’s okay to lean on others when you need to. My friendships, which have deepened in closeness this year, have shown me the power of community and the magic of sharing both joys and struggles.
- Logistical chaos doesn’t have to mean emotional chaos. With some planning (and a lot of caffeine), even the busiest days can feel doable.
- Addressing old wounds isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and those around me. Family relationships can evolve for the better when you do the work.
First-time moments in 2024
- Standing up for myself: This year, I’ve started saying no, setting boundaries, and stepping away from my people-pleasing tendencies. It’s a work in progress, but it feels good.
- Taking Little Bean on her first flight – on my own!
- Attending a Musical Dinner: Dinner and a show? Yes, please!
- Parenting while ill: Looking after a full-of-life Little Bean while I was feeling awful and she was full of energy was an adventure I’d rather not repeat, but I survived!
- Posting a video of myself on Instagram: Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone!
What I’m grateful for in 2024
- My husband’s support through all of this chaos in our little family and within me. His willingness to grow and work with me through all the issues is invaluable. ❤️
- My growing circle of friends—you all make this journey brighter.
- Little Bean’s laughter and the eyes-closed cuddles.
- A job that challenges me but also makes me proud of what I can accomplish.
What went really well in 2024?
- Building deeper connections with others, from my closest family to my new friends.
- Surviving (and even thriving) in the madness of full-time work and mum life.
- Developing Little Bean’s bilingual skills in understanding and her first few words.
- Letting myself feel all the feelings, even if it means crying over bananas. 😂
What I want to leave in 2024
- The constant pressure to be perfect. Spoiler: no one’s perfect, and that’s okay – good, even!
- Comparing myself to other parents. We’re all just doing our best, and that’s enough.
- The mum guilt that creeps in every now and then.
2024 on the blog
I really got into blogging my experiences as a first-time, older, bilingual working mum in 2024! If you’re reading this you probably know that! Here are some numbers about the blog that will probably surprise you as much as they surprised me!
39 posts
25,200 words written
1024 individual visitors to the blog
99 views on the most popular post of the year
50% more subscribers since September
449 views of my Advent calendar in December
5 collaborations on the Advent calendar
More 2024 Highlights!
In Conclusion…
2024, you’ve been a year of growth, laughter, tears, and a whole lot of logistical juggling. Here’s to 2025—a new year, new adventures, and maybe, just maybe, slightly fewer toddler tantrums. (One can hope!)
How was your 2024? Let me know in the comments! And if you’ve got any tips for surviving nursery logistics or crying less over bananas, I’m all ears.
What Mummy Didn't Know 
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